how many words are in the first 164 pages of the big book
You may think this an extreme case. We told him what we knew of alcoholism and the answer we had found. He gets stirred up about their troubles, but not at all about yours. We were bothered with the thought that faith and dependence upon a Power beyond ourselves was somewhat weak, even cowardly. We think each family which has been relieved owes something to those who have not, and when the occasion requires, each member of it should be only too willing to bring former mistakes, no matter how grievous, out of their hiding places. In either case certain family problems will arise. That was not easy. It was fun to carom around the exclusive course which had inspired such awe in me as a lad. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable. We have run away. Occasionally you will have to meet such conditions. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. In this way he was slyly carrying tales. We never, never try to arrange a mans life so as to shield him from temptation.
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Not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that diminish!This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it-this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish. Sometimes it is wise to wait till he goes on a binge. My friend promised when these things were done I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator; that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems. Next morning I telephoned a friend in Montreal. It is probably true that you and your husband have been living too much alone, for drinking many times isolates the wife of an alcoholic. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. In the early days of our drinking we occasionally remained sober for a year or more, becoming serious drinkers again later. If he is lukewarm or thinks he is not an alcoholic, we suggest you leave him alone. We intend the foregoing as a helpful suggestion only. WebThe First 164 pages of The Big Book with lined pages opposite text for note taking. Many of our husbands were just as far gone. Sometimes you will have to call a doctor and administer sedatives under his direction. Sometimes the man we are calling upon admits his own fault, so feuds of years standing melt away in an hour. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight. He will presently try the old game again, for he isnt happy about his sobriety. The wives and children of such men suffer horribly, but not more than the men themselves. Scoffers could scoff and be damned. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people! WebSo Bill and Hank Parkhurst (The Unbeliever in the first edition) went to Cornwall to see Blackwell.
Psychologists are inclined to agree with us. Whether you mention this book is a matter for your discretion. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem. Many doctors and psychiatrists agree with our conclusions. Still the play does not suit him. He interrupted: I used to be strong for the church, but that wont fix it. He got drunk. Several of our crowd, men of thirty or less, had been drinking only a few years, but they found themselves as helpless as those who had been drinking twenty years. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. And why? Self-seeking will slip away. Thus you may succeed in interesting him in alcoholism. Perhaps your story will help him see where he has failed to practice the very precepts he knows so well.
What a state of mental goose-flesh that used to bring on! But sometimes our drinking will be used politically. Let him see that you are not there to instruct him in religion. You will want to know more of how to proceed from that point. Of course he couldnt drink, but why not sit hopefully at a table, a bottle of ginger ale before him? One of these men, staff member of a world- renowned hospital, recently made this statement to some of us: What you say about the general hopelessness of the average alcoholics plight is, in my opinion, correct. It was my second meeting ever, the previous one being the same group, one week before. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time. Fear sobered me for a bit. He may take small interest in the children and may show irritation when reproved for his delinquencies. People like you are too heartbreaking. We never apologize for God. Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? A pivotal decision was made in 95: The first 164 pages of the Big Book, the Forwards, The Doctors Opinion, Doctor Bobs Nightmare, and the Appendices [will] remain the same, which was not reversed during Advisory Actions in 97, 98, 99, and 2000, leading up to publication of the 4th Edition of the Big Book in 2001. I told him he was through-finally and forever. When, therefore, we speak to you of God, we mean your own conception of God. Our friends have counseled chucking the men and we have done so with finality, only to be back in a little while hoping, always hoping.
We do not mean that you have to agree with your husband whenever there is an honest difference of opinion. Say you do not want to be a wet blanket; that you only want him to take care of his health. This had to be stopped. Here no specific rule can be given. Still no thought of drinking. Dont start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. We have been hysterical. When possible, avoid meeting a man through his family. Is it not because each wants to play the lead? We go to him in a helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret. We meet frequently so that newcomers may find the fellowship they seek. Had not all efforts at flight failed before? If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. Here we find human opinions running to extremes-absurd extremes, perhaps. Under these conditions your prospect will see he is under no pressure. They need your companionship and your help. Judging from what I had seen in Europe and since, the power of God in human affairs was negligible, the Brotherhood of Man a grim jest. The most incompatible people discover they have a basis upon which they can meet. They wanted to The courage to do battle was not there. You will make mistakes, but if you are in earnest they will not drag you down. At least, so the chemist said. I wanted to throw up my hands in discouragement, for I saw that I had failed to help my banker friend understand. The problem with which you struggle usually falls within one of four categories: One: Your husband may be only a heavy drinker. If you have been successful in solving your own domestic problems, tell the newcomers family how that was accomplished. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas: (a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. Stress the spiritual feature freely. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity? He is unable to focus on anything else. Though we have no religious connection, we may still do well to talk with someone ordained by an established religion. Then came the hospital with unbearable mental and physical suffering. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. My brother-in-law is a physician, and through his kindness and that of my mother I was placed in a nationally-known hospital for the mental and physical rehabilitation of alcoholics. Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue. If you cooperate, rather than complain, you will find that his excess enthusiasm will tone down. What about people who proved that man could never fly? 
Our fears fall from us. One day my secretary came in saying that Mr. B- insisted on speaking with me. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. Without much ado, he accepted the principles and procedure that had helped us. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. Use your energies to promote a better understanding all around. When we saw our faults we listed them.
It may mean sharing your money and your home, counseling frantic wives and relatives, innumerable trips to police courts, sanitariums, hospitals, jails and asylums. We stayed on and on. I told her to say that I was not interested. 164 and More is an effective reference manual for the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous and the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. I pushed a drink across the table. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. This involves a process of deflation. Could we have been so mistaken in the men we married? Talk about his condition or this book only when he raises the issue. Your telephone may jangle at any time of the day or night. Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. Have we tried to make mortar without sand? More than that we cannot do; we have no right to go further. I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. My writhing nerves were stilled at last. Being intrigued, however, he invited our friend to his home. Wait until repeated stumbling convinces him he must act, for the more you hurry him the longer his recovery may be delayed. At first engage in general conversation. Assume on the other hand that father has, at the outset, a stirring spiritual experience. Cleaning up old scrapes, helping to settle family differences, explaining the disinherited son to his irate parents, lending money and securing jobs for each other, when justified-these are everyday occurrences. The checking account melted like snow in June. Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against the first drink. The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. When he sees you know all about the drinking game, commence to describe yourself as an alcoholic. For years, I had been programming computers to process free-form text (sentences and words). They should be patient, realizing they are dealing with a sick person. In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We have been unselfish and self- sacrificing. Do not ask that he do it for you or anyone else. He saw that he would have to face his problems squarely that God might give him mastery. Dad may be tired at night and preoccupied by day. This Power has in each case accomplished the miraculous, the humanly impossible. We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them. Though I had been only a nominal churchman, their proposals were not, intellectually, hard to swallow. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. Unless your friend wants to talk further about himself, do not wear out your welcome. He inherited a lucrative automobile agency. But that would be in great measure. But it is better to meet God alone than with one who might misunderstand. Are these extravagant promises? Far from it. You think he ought to know the subject better, as everyone should have a clear understanding of the risk he takes if he drinks too much. At the very beginning, the couple ought to frankly face the fact that each will have to yield here and there if the family is going to play an effective part in the new life. Some men cannot or will not get over alcoholism. This advice is given for his family also. If you both show a willingness to remedy your own defects, there will be little need to criticize each other. He had, of course, the familiar alcoholic obsession that few knew of his drinking. Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the approach and to effect a contact with Him. Webhow many words are in the first 164 pages of the big bookcheese trail wisconsin lodging. By no means do we offer it as the last word on this subject, but so far as we are concerned, it has worked with us. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. But we dont delay if it can be avoided. But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Some of our alcoholic readers may think they can do without spiritual help. I have been learning something about alcoholism. You feel he should now be yours. The answer depends on whether you only include the first 164 pages or the stories too. Some day we hope that Alcoholics Anonymous will help the public to a better realization of the gravity of the alcoholic problem, but we shall be of little use if our attitude is one of bitterness or hostility. It may convince your husband he wants to stop drinking forever. If anyone questions whether he has entered this dangerous area, let him try leaving liquor alone for one year. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. Two of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous came to see me. But Im sure this man is done drinking. I could go for such conceptions as Creative Intelligence, Universal Mind or Spirit of Nature but I resisted the thought of a Czar of the Heavens, however loving His sway might be. Now I was to plunge into the dark, joining that endless procession of sots who had gone on before. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch. If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified with the result. Avoid urging him to follow our program. We have listed and analyzed our resentments. Let him draw his own conclusion. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Barriers which have sprung up between you and your friends will disappear with the growth of sympathetic understanding. FOR MOST normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. Alcoholism may be causing your organization considerable damage in its waste of time, men and reputation. These things will come to pass naturally and in good time provided, however, the alcoholic continues to demonstrate that he can be sober, considerate, and helpful, regardless of what anyone says or does. Amen. We have then completed Step Seven. Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly like people in a sinking ship. We shouldnt be shy on this matter of prayer. There was always one more attempt-and one more failure. This sort of thinking had to be abandoned. We may have seemed to lecture. These memories are a nightmare. In this respect alcohol was a great persuader. Seeing your attempt to understand and help, some men will try to take advantage of your kindness. Perhaps you both like parties which would be dull without liquor. He said, Why dont you choose your own conception of God?. This process snuffed out the last flicker of conviction that I could do the job myself. Unmindful of his welfare, I thought only of recapturing the spirit of other days. He succumbed to that gay crowd inside, who laughed at their own misfortunes and understood his. First of all, we had to quit playing God. After all, had he not been sober six months now? This world of ours has made more material progress in the last century than in all the millenniums which went before. In other words, we treat sex as we would any other problem. Copyright 2005-2022 by Recovery Press. When, however, the perfectly logical assumption is suggested that underneath the material world and life as we see it, there is an All Powerful, Guiding, Creative Intelligence, right there our perverse streak comes to the surface and we laboriously set out to convince ourselves it isnt so. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. What could we have done better? Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. A year and six months later these three had succeeded with seven more. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly. In that case he is going to wonder how you can add anything to what he already knows. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. The spiritual life is not a theory. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. Let him know you are available if he wishes to make a decision and tell his story, but do not insist upon it if he prefers to consult someone else. But my friend sat before me, and he made the point- blank declaration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself. If there be divorce or separation, there should be no undue haste for the couple to get together. This went on endlessly, and I began to waken very early in the morning shaking violently. But for every man who drinks others are involved-the wife who trembles in fear of the next debauch; the mother and father who see their son wasting away. We agnostics and atheists were sticking to the idea that self-sufficiency would solve our problems. Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? For most alcoholics who are drinking, or who are just getting over a spree, a certain amount of physical treatment is desirable, even imperative. Suggest how important it is that he place the welfare of other people ahead of his own. Give him an account of the struggles you made to stop. Permit that and you only harm him. I was part of life at last, and in the midst of the excitement I discovered liquor. This may take patient waiting, but it will be worth it. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. There is another paralyzing fear. His religious education and training may be far superior to yours. The family must realize that dad, though marvelously improved, is still convalescing. This is a point we wish to emphasize and re- emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience. Was it not true that the best mathematical minds had proved man could never fly? Life would be wonderful. We were usually as definite as this example: We went back through our lives. My first sponsor, Rob, was getting the Saturday AA meeting ready by himself when I showed up there. He decides to exert himself more. It addresses people who have concerns about a God or a higher power. Then, like a thunderbolt, a great thought came. Malo WA 99150. He seemed quite rational and well-balanced with respect to other problems. But there was always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem. So we shall describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem. The house was taken over by the mortgage holder, my mother-in-law died, my wife and father-in-law became ill. Then I got a promising business opportunity. Keep it always in sight that we are dealing with that most terrible human emotion-jealousy. Still another experience: A womans voice came faintly over long distance from Virginia. Perhaps I could help some of them. In actual practice, we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient.